more than anything, I just want to be happy

I’ve been avoiding talking about the trip to San Francisco somewhat, because I’m still a little in awe at my utter disappointment in what I was hoping my experience would be. I’m only just posting this with the previous entry, ‘cos I wanted to give a little more detail about it. So here’s a little breakdown:

thursday 4/19:

    I’m always a slightly paranoid one about travel, so even though I didn’t have to, I got up fairly early, to double check last minute packing, and make sure I had my travel plans, and got some breakfast, took trash out, etc. Normally all my flights are in the morning, so there’s no difference in getting up for work and getting up for a flight. In any case, the travel was fairly easy on me. I ended up getting to places WAY early though, so it’s good I had cds and a book to read with me.

    I got into SFO at around 8:30, and Sean was right there at the gate, gave me a nice hug and we headed to his car and back to his place. There was some general chit-chat, but nothing too deep, then we went to get some pizza in the Castro and headed out to meet his friends at The Badlands. (Little did I know this would be the running theme for the weekend) So there I met Raul, and Darrel and some others he knows, including one they call “The Grinch” and also Jim. For those of you keeping score, Jim is the one Sean went to Vegas to meet up with. So there was some dancing and drinking there, and Sean was acting fairly familiar with me, a little hand holding, etc. So I assumed things were more or less on track. From there we wandered over to The Cafe, for more drinks and dancing, and some smooching, etc. Headed back to his place eventually, and fooled around. It was quite nice, however he’s into poppers (another warning sign), so once I ignored the smell, I still had a good time of it.

friday 4/20:

    Sean had to work a 1/2 day, so he got up and went into work while I slept for a bit, then got up and bummed around. It was raining, but I went for a short walk anyway, then came back and called Sean to find out what the afternoon plan was. He asked me to meet them at Union Square to help his friend Mark go shopping for a suit. Navigating the MUNI wasn’t too difficult, except I didn’t know that you just put money directly into the turnstiles, and I made my way to meet them. We found the perfect suit for Mark, but it was pricey ($280) and he wanted to shop around. I advised him he wasn’t going to find anything better (we didn’t) and while out, we met up with Raul. Thus began the shopping whirlwind…

    We cut a path of destruction through Macy’s, Abercrombie and Fitch, and Old Navy, spending HOURS in these stores. I was SO ready to go home, but Raul and Sean just had to find the perfect outfits to wear out that night. It was at this point that I was starting to see traits of myself in them, that I had outgrown a while ago, but I figured no one’s perfect and went with the flow. Back to Sean’s place for a little pre-club nap, oh, I should mention that while shopping, Raul and Sean decided that they would attempt to “get some business,” their slang for find someone to sell them some E. Sean assures me he doesn’t do this very often, or at least he said so in our phone conversations. And since I’m no stranger to this, I knew that unless I did it with them, or had access to a taxi, they’d be up (and annoying) for a long long time and I’d sack out early. Plus since it had been years since I’d done it, I figured, what the hell.

    So after waking, and changing — No wait, make that WAITING on Sean to get changed, as he went through 3 or 4 outfit changes, we headed to Moby Dick in the Castro for drinks and meeting up with some more of his friends, mainly Lisa who’s the standard fag hag or fruit fly, as some call them. Then drove over to The Endup. This place is open from like 6 or 7 in the evening, to 4 the next afternoon, so they are well aware of their clientele. Anyway, about 15 mins in, we checked our coats, downed our little pills, and waited for the effects. When they hit, OH MY GOD, *ahem*, anyway, I was quite energized, with no choice on my part, so I started dancing… a lot. I also tried to get a little cuddly with Sean, at which point he kinda brushed me off. Lemme tell ya, there is nothing less fun that getting hit with a mentally depressing experience when your body is on 100% energy stimulation, and since there was little else I could do, I danced and danced and danced and flirted a little, and so on, for about…

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