This is why I usually order Gin & Tonic
I’m not sure how, but I’ve managed to find more than a few mixology-related publications lately. I’m also not sure what that says about me (that I don’t already know, no need for comments from the peanut gallery, thank you) but I’m enjoying some of the anecdotes I’ve been reading. I tend to find a lot of the drinking mags are mainly Maxim without the babes, still very heterosexual/manly man oriented, which I find silly since drinking is completely universal!
I’m on a roll—until, that is, a young woman finally catches my eye and sweetly places her order: a blackberry Cabernet caipirinha, an El Capitan, a Tuscan sangria and a pitcher of Pisco punch. My heart sinks. To fill her order involves fetching the vin santo, red wine, mezcal, Tuaca and Punt e Mes; muddling blackberries, limes and pineapples; squeezing dozens of fruits; stirring and shaking; and setting an orange peel on fire. As I hack my way through the jungle of an order, I wish people would just order the drinks that I personally loathe drinking—a Jack and Diet, a vodka soda or, for god’s sake, just a simple beer.
This is why I hate being stuck behind that guy at Halo that just has to order a round of mojitos for all of his friends. My thirst gets worse while I wait for the bartender to muddle the entire produce section for his bunch of cocktails.
It includes some helpful tips about how to get the most out of your bartender, some of them backed up by a similar article in this month’s Mutineer Magazine, they’re mostly common sense. Closing out the article is a very cute list which is almost a bit like an internet meme without having to take an actual quiz:
What Your Drink Says About You
(From left to right)
- Shot of Patrón. You think you know, but you have no idea.
- Pacifico and a shot of anything. Fine-dining restaurant employee.
- Sommelier Sidecar. Your knowledge of wine is not as good as you think it is.
- Vodka Soda. Marina chick (even if you’re a guy).
- Jack and Diet. Ex–frat boy who spends too much time at the gym.
- Dark and Stormy. Seasoned drinker who’s “on the wagon.”
- Milk of Millennia. You’re likely from L.A.
- Mojito. European tourist who will later ask whether we know of a good disco in the area.
- Vodka Red Bull. Show us your ID.
- Pisco Sour. Young woman from a South American country, or a dyed-in-the-wool cocktail geek.
I admit that I’ve never had/ordered a Pisco Sour… but I’ve always wanted to try one. 😉 And while not trying to be terribly difficult, I do order my gin & tonic with lemon, not lime. It often comes with lime anyway, but I still ask.