“So you think I’m unattractive”

I’m usually against, no that’s not right. I am against posting dating app profiles and conversations with identifying information, be it usernames, profile pics, etc.1 But the ridiculousness of people is really getting to me more and more lately. I appreciate that for many, these apps have given them social options they may not have, whether that’s meeting new people, finding dates, finding sexual partners, advertising businesses, etc. And I get that they seem more “efficient” than getting oneself into whatever one considers appropriate for public consumption and going to a bar or gayborhood coffee shop.

But some of these dudes…

I only knew this guy as someone who worked in a restaurant that I’ve been to twice with the person he’s trying to reach. He’s also a neighbor and has sent me some potentially flirty late night messages, but never a “let’s grab a drink”. And the person he’s trying to reach is, honestly, kind of a jerk. So I couldn’t really help them. But SCRUFF isn’t like texting someone in your address book to ask a question. The last message I had before this exchange was definitely not about networking.

It’s mostly annoying because it taps into those feelings of “background character” insecurity. Like, I’m around and kind of included, but mostly because someone needs to ask me questions as an aside, “I don’t want to talk to you, but talking to you will let me talk to who I really want.” Gee, thanks. I feel this a lot because I go out by myself, I don’t have a squad or a crew, so when I see people out, they’re usually with their friends and I’m just kind of… there. There’s never a real offer to hang out together — plenty of fake ones — and while I can have fun, I also feel like I’m just on the periphery. And that’s my own stuff to own, but it doesn’t make it any better when it happens.

And then there’s this, which, sadly is a lot more common.

I seriously just want someone to offer drinks, just once. Not that I’m averse to a Triple-X Throw-Down offer, but it’s rarely what I’m about. Still, to sum up this conversation…

“Hi.”
— “Hi.”
“Wanna have sex?”
— “You’re 200 miles away.”
“So you think I’m ugly.”
— “What?”
“You’re not that cute anyway.”
— “No, seriously, what?”

No, seriously… what? Actually, I wish we’d had that condensed version of the conversation, it would have been easier.

I’m not one of those guys who insists the apps must only be used for sex, or dating, or friends, because that’s silly. But it feels ridiculous when generally this is a way to make new acquaintances, but every time I browse the app or talk to someone, I wish I hadn’t.

I have met nice people, and I have had a few dates, but nothing worth putting in the holiday newsletter. And I sincerely hope I won’t have an evening like this again because this blog could easily become, “Look at this dude right here.” posts with near no effort on my part.2

I’m not even 100% sure this post made any sense, I’m just frustrated. Loneliness isn’t fun, and the world is really not designed for us to endure it for any significant length of time. And I, like many of these guys, am just trying to find someone to solve that problem, even if only temporarily. And yeah, people are people, and people are generally awful, but this is frustrating.

Don’t worry, I promise my next post will be more upbeat, or complaining about people on the wrong side of the escalator or something. :mrgreen:

1 Except in cases of national interest and/or public safety.

2 Though I suppose that might be a way to get more traffic…

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