trolls.. and other business

the book discussion was tonight and it was good, I haven’t been in ages, so it was nice to settle in and discuss liter-a-chure.
during the moments when others were clearly droning on, my brain moved to thinking about the dating situation I currently find (put) myself in. I started freely writing in my notebook and the following sentences came out, No one starts out committed. You work towards that through the stages of friendship and dating. and I am not as bothered by knowing someone is dating other people. But I know how painful it can be to know that a person is sleeping with others, and while honesty is key, no one wants play-by-play details of that.
I’m not sure where on the spectrum of poly or non-monogamy (I am starting to hate that term) I am just yet. I know that I’m not ready to be in a committed relationship right now. I’m enjoying dating around, or playing the field, but I’m not a playa. I want to be honest with people, but I don’t know how honest to be. Would someone rather hear, “I have plans that night?” or “I can’t see you, I have a date?”
‘s prezzie helped me, certainly, but I can hardly condense the relevant bits onto a 3×5 and hand it out on the 2nd or 3rd date with someone. And if I meet more than one guy that I really like… I’ve been on the other end of that when I dated Christopher, it was like a mini version of The Bachelor except that I didn’t have to talk to the other two guys. Later on, Christopher even said to me, “You won.” – like it was all a big game.
I don’t want to hurt anyone, myself included.

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