another mundane another mundollar…
It’s a pretty standard monday. I finally switched the heat on last night so enjoyed a much more relaxed rest. Even though it’s only at 72, it’s nice to know that the chill is being knocked off on a regular basis.
Though one thing I was expecting and didn’t see were any employees in the lobby handing out red ribbons. I was a little hopeful as mine have usually succumbed to cleanup efforts.. hmm, the lanyard my company provides to hold our badges is red.. Nah. Either I came in too early, or the DOT doesn’t have an organized GLOBE, or World AIDS Day just isn’t a concern anymore.
I bounce back and forth between wondering if the message is getting out to anyone, or if this is just another “PR” day. I’ve always tried to do my part with awareness, mainly because I don’t have piles of money to g
ive away. When I went to UD, I was in the Not Quite Ready For Bed Players, which was both fun and educational.. and made me a “peer counselor.” Some of my friends might laugh at that. I wore ribbons, passed out flyers, raised donations, did the AIDS Walk every year.. and while I was doing my part, I realize now that I was also very lucky. I didn’t know anyone that was HIV+.
Now I do. I have close friends and not so close acquaintances that are directly affected by the disease. Fortunately those friends are healthy and managing but every now and then it looms over them, like a living thing separate from themselves. It makes me want to cry sometimes (and the other times I do cry), feeling so helpless for them and knowing that my feelings are probably miniscule compared to theirs. But you can’t change the past, can’t change cause after effect.
So you’re left with awareness, knowledge is power, but it seems like my “community” is happy to let that knowledge go to waste. I didn’t care for the porn industry on the whole before with the impossible ideals of beauty, but now it seems there’s a subset determined to create movies devoted to unsafe activities — “barebacking”. I’m not sure if it’s an attempt at making money off of defiance and taboo, or simply relenting to what some think is inevitable.
There’s no clear answer, the decision has to happen within each of us regarding what we care about and what drives us. Frankly, I just don’t want to lose my friends.