It’s another of those times where I feel run ragged, going so long and pushing myself without a break that I’m hitting the wall. It doesn’t help that I kinda twisted my ankle a bit while bowling last night and that the bruises from falling while ice skating are really starting to feel painful today.
I’ve been trying to be a good social butterfly, but I’m feeling the effects of it all. Additionally, dating is becoming both wonderful and confusing all at the same time. I’m starting to think was right about it all eventually coming to a head with me not seeing anyone. Two men, I like a lot and with whom, by now, I’m only marginally guarded about myself. But I’m fairly sure that while I’m ok dating both of them, they won’t be ok with that. And I don’t really know what to do about it, I can slide backwards to try keeping them as friends, or just make it easier on both parties and remove myself from the situation entirely, as though that would be the only way to keep people from being hurt. In trying to cure myself of serial monogamy, I may have shot myself in the foot by attempting to develop interpersonal relationships with people that are more romantic than sexual. Figuring out what I want is a pain in the ass.. I hate being that guy, “he just didn’t know what he wanted right now” – but it’s true. It feels like I’m being unfair.
I just want to hibernate until Spring, and I can’t really even do that, since when I go home, all the chores and such that I put off to go out and be social are waiting for me. Broken down cardboard boxes have been sitting in the living room for months now, because while I’m fine going to the basement balancing 3 or 4 loads of laundry.. I won’t cart those boxes to the storage area. Yeah, I make no sense to myself either.
More than anything right now, I’d kill to have an office. To just close the door for a brief respite and put my head on my desk.

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