“You Can’t Go Backwards…”
Thinking about the phrase made somewhat popular in free running and parkour circles as we approach Spring and also mark the 5-year lockdown anniversary.
A few weeks back, the friend I have brunch and outings with remarked that it was on March 7, 2020 we had our last pre-lockdown brunch wondering, “Is this the last time we’ll hang out for a while?”
The restaurant was Mexican (it’s a Ghostburger now), I asked for salt & pepper with my meal. They brought sugar & pepper. 😐
We heard other tables discussing COVID, he remembers that someone in the place sneezed or coughed and we were on alert. We still enjoyed our brunch as best we could, and did some wandering around afterwards, but it really did feel like the “fun” was at an end. The goodbye hug was tighter and longer than usual.
Skipping ahead, 5 years ago today, March 19, 2020 was the first time we attempted a Zoom (drop in/drop out) happy hour with friends. I remember us trying to do more of these over time and the attendance slowly dropped off. It just wasn’t how we all socialized, and it started to feel like more of an obligation.
Not only that, since work started to go remote as well, when you’re in online meetings all day for that, having an online meeting to “wind down” just wasn’t the move.
He and I would specifically watch movies and TV series together via Google Meet to stay in touch. Pretty much all of my contact with folks was online, but aside from my streamed shows, there wasn’t much face to face hanging out.
We still keep in touch online daily, just seeing each other in person more these days. After several rounds of vaccines and precautions, we hang out more regularly (and still carefully) in person now, but it definitely hits different. Hanging out on a weekend for brunch and wandering hasn’t gotten back that fun feeling and maybe it never will.
Even though Spring is tomorrow and I am itching to get out and about and be a fun, free, flirty Queer person in their Spring era… so much of those fun things I’ve replaced with doing at home.
Drinks, meals, the only thing I can’t replace is other people to hang out with or be around. I miss heading to a bar for happy hour–but all I can think about now is the crowd of people. I miss going out dancing–but again, it’s often a packed dancefloor, most people aren’t wearing masks, and my poor ears have gotten used to at-home dance music volume.
I’m stuck with wondering if it will ever be fun again in the way that it was? Obviously I’m older, I didn’t become a “pandemic workout person” so I’ve got more fluff around the midsection as the “cute club clothes” have all made their way to the clothing donation bin ages ago.
But also, something I can’t really gloss over is money. I was a lot more carefree back in the day. Not spending into debt, but fun money was a much larger percentage then than it is now. The way things are going, I feel way more concerned about saving for the inevitable unnamed doom than I do going to spend on drinks all night or a bottomless brunch.
One thing that would change this is having a group of friends to run with, but I’ve mentioned before on social media that the folks I had were more acquaintances of convenience. Not friends, exactly, but people you’d see at bars and happy hours and parties. You’re friends on Facebook, but that’s the only way you know their last name–and in some cases their name at all. I found myself just outside the intersection of the bubbles when things got real, so I turned into a bit of a hermit.
Which mostly sucks because, my gods, how does one make new friends when they’re over 50 and we’re barely coming out of a pandemic?
I have no idea.
But Spring is nearly here, I’ll enjoy getting out in the sun. I’ll find a good patio to enjoy a cocktail or two and read from my Kindle. All of this assuming that I find the actual motivation to put clothes on and leave the house. I guess we’ll see! 💖
