when can I want someone that’ll want me back?

Looking through personal ads can be very depressing sometimes. ‘cos you see all these guys out there that are, apparently, just like you and looking for someone to share their lives with. Then you look through and weed out the ads you like (usually through a filtering/search method). And then you really start to read and you see people you have things in common with and so on, then you take a look at what they’re looking for, and you see right there in annoying letters, “My Match: Ethnicity – White”. Or something similar.

Yes, I am hypocritical, since I’m an African American male that prefers to date White men, but after enough time you’d think I’d find an attractive one that wants to date me back! I experience the same thing when I go out, or talk online. “Not into black guys” or even worse from some guys, “You’re not black enough for me.” Like I have to be some bandanna wearing thug with gold teeth and baggy jeans to make someone happy.

I probably should have left the personals alone for a while, but in this season I’m just tired of coming home every night and not really having anyone to talk to about my day or hear about theirs. I’m getting over having a friend or two that I can sleep with, yet constantly says, “I’m just not ready for a relationship with anyone.” (whether I’ve broached the subject or not)

On the bright side, I spent today relaxing and finishing up pages on my website. I’m fairly sure that it’s 99% done. I still have to find a good guestbook or bulletin board script, and decide on some links perhaps, but otherwise there should be no more “I can’t find…” e-mails from people.

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