we were never being boring

I’m in a mood all of a sudden. I wonder if I’m just a boring person. I often ride that fine line between being bored, and wondering if I’m not bored, but just boring. And when I get in these moods, I wonder exactly what the people who do hang out with me (this number’s down to 2 now) get out of it. And I guess I’ve lost faith in the “friend” thing, due to the aforementioned situation. I mean I know that those in my presence don’t completely fall over asleep from lack of stimulus, but you have to wonder why it’s so hard to just make friends. And I know its common with gay men that they have to rate someone on how likely they are to want to sleep with them before they’ll consider them friends or potential bed material, but damnit, I’m tired of it. If I act like a “fag”, then I’m not being myself and still have to deal with all the others, and when I just act myself and nice, then people take me for the overly romantic type and I emit the husband carrier wave.

Is there a way to win? I’m really starting to not like the clubs. I love to dance, but having to combine it with the smoke and drinking and cruising atmosphere just takes the fun out of it all. So this weekend, I mainly spent it at home, did laundry Friday and Saturday, Chris came to visit on Sat and we went to Old Town, then Sunday was all me. I got out of the house early for some groceries that I felt I just couldn’t do without, but mainly I was in the apt, online, watching tv and movies. Where normally I would have expected a call from Shawn at some point, but when I asked what he had up, he was helping someone do the Easter thing on Sat, and I didn’t hear from him the rest of the weekend, though I heard about him on Sunday, so I know what’s up with him, just not from him directly. Ain’t that always the way? Faggicommunication in the 21st century. I still think they should find a way to have all information passed in the form of gossip. The speed is alarming, the loss in accuracy seems acceptable to most.

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