am I not getting the hint?

… am I not getting the hint? …

    During the extermination of 5 December, the apartment was found not to be in good order as required by your lease agreement, terms and conditions #7e.

    On Wednesday, 19 December, management will be returning to your apartment and if no improvement is noted, then we will have no alternative but to follow through with terms and conditions #10 of the lease agreement. It is also necessary to direct your attention to the lease for reading of terms and conditions #7e.

    We regret having to send a letter of this nature, but your cooperation is needed and expected in this matter.

I got this letter from my apartment complex this morning, stuck on my door as usual. So I faxed them a letter back asking them exactly what constitutes “good order”. Since I know my place is a mess, but there aren’t bugs crawling all throughout it, there is no damage to the place, the kitchen and bathroom are both clean and orderly so I don’t know what their problem is. Unless they just want to kick me out.

I just don’t know if I can take much more of this. I’m trying to get my life on track, really I am, but everytime I try something else comes and punches me in the gut. So I have to clean my apartment. Fine. But at least TELL me what I’m supposed to clean or fix. With this, getting stood up yesterday with still no word from Matthew, and the job situation where I feel less and less respected every day, but don’t know if I have the qualifications to leave. Plus if I’m trying to get a new place, I can’t really afford to leave just yet. The feeling of being locked into a miserable life is intensifying, and its just when I was trying to move beyond it. It’s like being in the Matrix or something. I was pushing the boundaries of the programming, so they re-wrote things to break my spirit. I don’t know.

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