damn blogger

So anyway I was lamenting in a blog why my dreamlife is so much more fulfilling than my normal life when IE’s lovely bookmarks open the page in the wrong window and I lose the blog. So anyway… my dream last night started out surreal enough.

I was plucked from my high school (on Luau Day, no less) into an alternate universe, very Big Brother like, where everything at school was an infraction, including asking questions, leaving before 5pm, not wearing school uniforms, etc. It was odd and I’m not sure why I was experiencing it. Then things shifted to me being on a road trip with 3 other guys, no one I recognized. About 1/2 way through the trip, all 3 started making advances on me, in various ways. Very odd, since I’m not even used to having *one* person make a move on me. Of course I woke up soon afterwards.

I’m pondering getting rid of AOL.. again. I think I’ve turned into everyone else on AOL. You know, the ones you can’t stand. They sit online, taking up space in chat rooms while never chatting and speaking only in IM’s, waiting and hoping for who knows what. I thought that an attitude change with respect to AOL would help. and it has, but not enough, in my opinion. Not that $10 a month is a huge investment, but I really feel that *I* would be better for getting rid of it. Why? ‘cos it only confuses my “goals”, I think. I open AOL with the hopes of talking to someone nice, but all I see is guys looking to hook up, and eventually after being online all day and not talking to anyone nice, then I get the thought of “well why don’t I lower myself to the common denominator”, and then I still find no hookups and generally feel like its wasted my time. Even though I don’t actually sit at the computer 24/7 watching AOL, it’s still on and I guess that’s even more stupid, to use AOL as a screen saver pretty much. Which causes me to take it even less seriously, and the less seriously I take the search for friends and dates, the more trivial it becomes and I think trivializing those kinds of relationships with others is a horrible thing. It leads to bitterness and jaded feelings without proper foundation.

I suppose I’m trying to refocus a lot of my energy into getting prepared to move and finding a place and hopefully finding a NICE place to live. I figure I could try MD after all, make it a full tri-state thing. Plus it’d put me closer to the people that I hang out with now. I don’t know. I guess I feel that after C showed his “true” colors, that there’s no one in VA that I have a need to live close to. When I look at it, once S and I stopped hanging out together, I guess I really didn’t have a need to live in VA, “all the way out there”. Since I have to admit, for where I’m located, I really am paying too much in rent. I’d rather pay that much and live closer towards the city. I just hope this woman calls me back, otherwise my mother was wrong about her.

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