i wish I could turn my brain off

There are times that i wish I could turn my brain off. Maybe just be more normal, or at least like everyone else. That is, generally forgetful and absent minded. At least that seems to be a trait of some people I hang out with.

Bowling last night was fun, with only a few snags, that wouldn’t have happened if Woody had gone to the authorities in the first place… or if I had been handling some things. But overall, I had a good time. I just had to align my brain to being extremely selfish and making sure that *I* was having fun. In general I’m trying to be a lot less “mom”-like with my friends as-is. Though I want to do so without losing the close friendship that we have. I guess I don’t act like mom, so much as I act like a therapist with some of them, compensating for their all too often professed issues. Someone doesn’t have a good memory? I’ll remember that. Someone doesn’t like making a phone call? I’ll do it, or I’ll tell them what they should say. Someone didn’t think something through? No problem, I’ll do it and tell the, what they should do… It’s taxing and getting old. There are some people that still think Mr. S. and I are dating when they see us at any social event together because we have a close friendship that perhaps does border on George and Lenny’ness. “Do you know what you want to eat? No? Well you like beef, why not get that? No, well have a salad then? No? Well what DO you want?” (this is pretty close to what happened when the two of us were at a group dinner gathering one evening) And *I* know that I was trying to help him make a decision, because had he been the last person left to order after everyone else had, he’d have gotten flustered and felt self-conscious. However maybe that’s just what needs to happen… I know I have issues, but have learned ways to compensate for them, and since I’m not really running a self-help school (I’d certainly be making more money), maybe the kids need to be thrown off the ledge and either fly or get scraped up.

I tried to make a resolution this year not to be so preachy, and for the most part I’ve been good about it, but I might need to step it up a little bit and really only give advice when it’s a dire need, or when someone asks for it. Maybe that’s part of my OWN self-improvement I should have been paying attention to long ago.

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