just not a good month

It’s just not a good month for me, thank goodness it will soon be over. I feel like this weekend was a wasted holiday. Sat & Sun nights I just sat here on my own with no plans. I’m also trying not to feel too bitter about the fact that last night’s plans were sort of snatched away at the last minute due to the fact that I didn’t feel like playing the third wheel.

When I’m feeling down, I’m about 1% “notice me” and 99% “leave me the hell alone.” Today I was overworking myself, I cleaned, tidied, laundered, even made lemonade and watched a lot of television. But I said perhaps all of 10 words the whole day. I imagine my roommate thinks that something’s wrong, and for once I’m glad that he’s too shy to directly say anything more than “how’s it going?” But on the plus side, the apartment looks a lot better and I have clean clothes… and lemonade.

I just feel that I have no motivation lately, to do much of anything. I’ll say that I need a vacation, but I have no idea where I want to go and I’m not in the mood to try and arrange a group trip someplace. I’m sick of going out to bars as the perceived “only” thing to do on weekends because I don’t accept that it’s better than staying at home doing nothing.

Well I’ll have to pull out the plastic smile for a little while until whatever this is blows over.