What the hell is this guy on?

From Free Will Astrology
Virgo Horoscope for week of January 15, 2004

I predict that 2004’s mysterious gifts will free you from your old self. At least one of your inhibitions will disappear. Attacks of self-consciousness will diminish in frequency and intensity. You’ll realize how fun it is to rebel against your antiquated image. The only new taboo you might take on is a taboo against imitating the overused shticks that have worked for you in the past.
Because of these explosive improvements in your relationship with brash spontaneity, you may be ready to acquire your porn name. Here are two suggestions about how to generate the new moniker. 1. Combine the name of your first pet with the name of the street where you lost your virginity. 2. Go to www.mypornname.com and follow the directions.