why do I do this to myself?

I am a geek. I am a Fan. I volunteered to help maintain the website for a group/network of gay/lesbian sci-fi fans because, at the time it seemed like a good idea, and I was told that the previous webmaster wasn’t doing his job. I’m pretty sure I mentioned to the person that asked me to do it that it’s very hard to get people to volunteer when they’re doing the equivalent of a workload that they would normally be paid for. And there was little motivation shown to get people even talking about what to do, let alone actually doing it. But I did an update here, an update there, tried my best to deal with the previous webmaster who may have been (still be) bitter about being fired and as such, goes-slow on any request for information I make or requests to transfer administrative control of the web hosting to me.

Recently a situation arose and well.. hovered, in which the domain name that was registered and used for years expired on us. This should have been a simple matter of a call or e-mail to the registrant, someone no longer with the club, saying hey can you hand it over so we can move along? – but nothing’s ever that simple. I’ll admit, domain name registration is a mystical and strange thing, but when I, as the webmaster, do some research and submit my findings to the group, that should be “the word”.. instead, e-mail traffic on the list was not of the “what can we do, and let’s do it” variety, it was more, “what happened, and how could this happen?” back and forth ad nauseum. That’s a horribly condensed version, but it was all talk, no action, with very few people trying to get informed so that they could take action.
Long and short, we lost the domain to a squatter and I’m still seeing a lot of “why haven’t you (“you” being anyone OTHER than the sender) done this or that yet?” e-mails going to the list… Or when someone does want to do something, instead of saying, “Ah, this is how you do a, b, and c…” – it’s “well what you should have done was x, y, and z…” I’m not getting an overwhelming sense of teamwork. It’s like being back in band in the sax section next to the trumpets. (How many trumpet players does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one, but all the others stand there saying, “I could have done that better.”)
I recently made a comment to that, while not my intent, did imply that I’d be happy to hand over control of the webmaster position to others
and he related this to the group via e-mail, and I’m really torn between clarifying what I meant.. and just stepping back from the whole thing. Nothing that’s transpired has hurt my friendship with , thankfully.. I just can’t decide if I’m tired of it all or not.
I don’t have the SMOF (Secret Masters Of Fandom) disease, I don’t have the need to feel pivotal or central in keeping the genre “alive.” I do what little things I do for this organization or that because I appreciate the social aspects, and I do love sci-fi, but it ain’t worth going insane over. There’s plenty enough drama to go around without letting it ruin the things I love.. I’ve had enough of that this year already, too.
Ok, rant done… who wants pancakes?

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