It is dark…

While I don’t think that I was likely to be eaten by a grue this morning, it is still pretty dark out there. For some reason, I was up at around 4:15 this morning. I think the sound of the rain may have woken me up, and lemme tell ya, my “nature sounds” alarm clock pales in comparison to the real thing. It’s strange as it was a very awake kind of waking up, not the usual stuck between states grogginess where I normally opt to roll over and go to sleep, so I got up. It’s a good thing I did as I was able to iron, get cleaned up, deal with some e-mail, watch a bit of news and weather and actually decide when I would leave the house instead of realizing that I was late and dashing out.

The commute reminded me of living in Alexandria, fairly removed from DC, the close friend I’d moved out there to be near was no longer speaking to me, and my days were pretty solitary. I was up early, parking at the metro by 5:30 and at the office around 6:15 or so. I’d get off work around 2:30 or 3p and head home, I was used to not seeing anyone since I didn’t really have any other friends. Sometimes I would check out a museum, or have a late/early meal in the city, but for the most part I was in a pretty good rut. I often think about changing my personal shift now to doing that again. I already get out of the office before most people I know anyway, and rarely have evening plans. I’m not totally a “when I’m in, I’m in for the night” kind of person, but I’m nowhere near as much of a fan anymore of the spontaneous “let’s hang out tonight” that comes after I’ve been home for a few hours and likely already eaten dinner and settled in. (So I usually eat dinner around 6, what of it?)

Things change and people change, obviously, so I’ve tried to let my expectations adapt with the way things are, and not get mired in the way I would like them to be or worse stubbornly insist that nothing has changed. That is a behavior that I see in others, and it’s like a very tiny sort of denial that has the potential to grow and lash out and become harmful. But Fall has ever been a season of change for me, sloughing off the old, and collecting resources to look ahead to the new.

Speaking of looking ahead to the new, I’m not sure the new single “Headlines (Friendship Never Ends)” from The (re-formed) Spice Girls is doing it for me. But I do love that the ladies aren’t trying to get back into their old character roles for the reunion.