Confide in me

I just talked with Al and I feel a bit better. I don’t have a lot of friends locally that I consider confidants so it was nice to have someone I could just talk to about the situation and not worry that I’ll get platitudes or “I’m sorry”s from. Or worry about the information traveling to others beyond my control. It helped me get my head straight about the things I need to express to Christopher when we talk, which will most likely be tonight. I’m making him dinner and we’re watching tv… and it will be one heck of a dinner, I hope. There’s always emergency take out at the last minute though.

I wish there were a switch inside my head I could flip and be normal. But that will take time and goddess knows how much. I just have to be more considerate I think and realize that there’s more than just me to deal with right now. My natural tendencies are to retreat and react, closing myself off and I have to fight that.

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