2 part (e)harmony

*cue ‘This Will Be (an everlasting love)’

I usually only have to think of eharmony’s annoying as hell commercials to keep me from considering using any online dating service. They’ve spoiled it all for me, especially with their “proven successful matching system” that seems to be able to match everyone so long as you are single, straight and christian.

But lately it seems like customer compaints are totally deconstructing eharmony’s little empire of perfection. Consumerist has plenty of tales of woe that give me a few minutes each of cackling glee. Not for the way these people were treated, but that eharmony’s system seems to be getting cracked wide open. Stories under their tags: eharmony and eharmonycom.

A woman is upset and a man is suing because they were each denied due being legally separated, but not yet completely divorced, one woman suspects that she was denied because she is atheist and yet another man was turned away possibly because he answered that he ‘drinks daily’ (a beer with dinner).

While I can never say ‘this is how you should do business,’ I don’t really think it’s fair to subject customers to over an hour of online form filling only to have some of the most crucial questions near the end of the profile and instead of telling them immediately that such things disqualify them, they send back a note that’s like the biggest rejection of all. “We’re sorry, but out of our thousands of applicants, we can’t find you a single match. Later, loser.” (I paraphrase, of course)

It may be hard out here for a pimp, but it seems even harder online if you’re single. Oh and if anyone knows a hack to get my TiVo to auto fast forward through those damn commercials, please drop me a line. I love Natalie Cole, but I don’t need to associate one of her best songs with God’s Dating Service.