Mathematical Anti-Telharsic Harfatum Septomin

A morning funny from Carolyn Hax… and no Ev, I don’t need you to read it to me out loud.

Dear Carolyn:

I’m 53, divorced for 10 years, and have struggled with finding the appropriate range of ages of women I should pursue. Female friends have suggested a formula for determining a minimum age — “half your age plus 10.” However, when I start dating someone slightly above this minimum, these same friends criticize me for dating someone too young. I’m not interested in any sort of trophy in her twenties. Is it unreasonable for me to seek a female companion who is my junior by 10 or 15 years?

— Confused & Single Man

The definitive formula is:

Your age divided by 7, plus number of years of education, times the number of previous marriages between you, minus the arbitrary formulas of underoccupied busybodies who have no direct say in your life, plus a forehead slap. You’re 53 years old. As long as it’s legal, date whom you want to date.

Pure gold. So does a two block walk to the metro count as a date? We were supposed to get coffee, but he was on a bit of a stricter schedule than I am so we just walked and talked a bit. It’s a good thing, since when I went to Starbucks afterwards, the line to order was short, but there were about 15 people waiting for their drink orders and about 6 or 7 drinks on the counter that apparently belonged to no one. I don’t really think this location understands the concept of speed in the morning.

* Bonus points if anyone knows where the title comes from, except for you Michael.

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2 Responses

  1. Kyle says:

    And germs come from Germany. (No, I never saw the show – but I ardently love Wikipedia, which helps me find the most obscure cultural references imaginable.)

  2. Brian says:

    Oh but that’s cheating! 😉

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