closely monitored

This is seeming fairly random, I know, but yesterday I just wasn’t in much of a mood to write anything. Staying home from work with migraines’ll do that to you.

I may or may not be updating these from work anymore. We just got a tip through the grapevine that our internet activities are being ‘closely monitored’. Lovely. I’m a web developer and I’m being monitored. Well maybe they’ll learn something, whoever “they” are.

Lately I have to wonder what’s my big deal with not enjoying being single. It’s like there’s this “Single Nirvana” that people reach and they’re just totally happy and pleased with it. (Though honestly most of the happy & single ones I know are having sex with someone different every other night. happy?) I’m starting to realize that while I have fun with Michael. I don’t, to quote Friends, “feel the thing” with him. Is it fair to spend intimate time with him when I know it’s not going anywhere? I’m starting to get to the point where I have that “happy depression” when people tell me about their dates or how well their relationships are going. Personals don’t seem to work, but then it’s really hard being a black man that prefers white men, since these days you have to be young, white and pretty to get a date. Otherwise, people aren’t interested in you unless it’s like a fetish. Asians, Latinos, Blacks, we’re like something exotic and different. Or the only white men interested in me seem to have copied the mannerisms from the black women at their jobs or want some kind of “ruffneck” thug. Which I am most certainly not. Hope springs eternal, supposedly. I think mine’s drying up.

I’m attempting to make CDs from the Hitchhiker’s Guide mp3s I have but it’s slow going. My computer at home couldn’t handle it and even the one here at work is slow to chug them out, but once I make 1 copy, the rest should be easy. It’s still 6 discs, but well worth it, plus Chris (Germany) and Michael (California) will appreciate the copies as well.

I never got an e-mail reply back from Dave, though from looking at his journal, he’s doing better on the social front than I am, so perhaps he just hasn’t had the time. And the MUSH is about dead this morning. Of course, the powers that be will probably wonder why Brian’s got a telnet port open all day long, but honestly I don’t care. This office is slowly becoming a gulag, every little thing we do is scrutinized. It doesn’t seem to matter that we’re doing a fantastic job, it feels like they’re out to get us. I need to get my ass in gear and find a new job.

The poll on my egroup says that 3 people would be willing to donate to help with cam costs, while 1 would not. Coincidentally I had one subscriber quit my group, so that may answer that. I wish I knew a way to get more people to join my group, but I can’t advertise it anymore than it already is without being terribly obnoxious. Ok enough for now, maybe I’ll go into the Tom from Los Angeles issue in a little bit.