Learning to Pick Myself Up…

I’ve never seen the Dark Knight trilogy, but I do know the “Why do we fall?” line. I also think about the “I never did mind about the little things.” line from “Point of No Return” which I kept calling “La Femme Nikita” until I realized that it was a remake of exactly that film. I have already gotten off my point and it’s only the first paragraph.

I am foolishly beating myself up over something that I did have a little bit of control over, but that also is meaningless in the grand scheme of things, but still makes me feel like I don’t have everything as under control as I’d like. I do know better, but sometimes I don’t.

It’s also fixed, but because it wasn’t earth-shattering, I also can’t seem to let it go. Constantly replaying it and kicking myself even though it’s all been handled, there’s nothing to even worry about anymore!

Ha ha, if only it were that simple, right? For some clarification, this is something that happened on my “creative” job side, not the primary job, so it’s in my best interest to forget about it and move on and not let it turn into something that causes me to question whether the creative efforts are worth it… right? HA HA, RIGHT?! 😳

It was to do with a Creator Program, so it’s nothing that pays me, it doesn’t provide insurance, it doesn’t cover bills, and it doesn’t lead to more professional gig opportunities–no matter how much they say that it might. But because most of the creative work is related to streaming, when something goes wrong, it generally goes wrong when I am live on the internet.

No pre-record, no cut to commercial for technical difficulties, just the pressure of, “If I don’t hold my viewers’ attention, they will leave.” If you spend any time on “streamer social media” you know that these aren’t unique problems or anxieties.

So perhaps writing it out will reduce the number of times the memory repeats in my head and I can move on from it… right? 💖

Otherwise things are going all right. I’m still dealing with the other life curve balls, but here are some photos of things I’ve seen around the area on my recent walks. Except that tacos one, which I need to remember more often. I have easy access to tacos and should feed those to my feelings more often.

Also, the first part of a Star Trek Adventures 2nd Edition Actual Play I did is online today! Done with 5 GMs in a Trenchcoat, it was Adam Teal, Anna Margaret, Catrina Dennis and me! We had a ridiculous fun time weaving a story in the TOS era.

I’ll be happy when we’re past the worst of the summer heat and going out for walks is slightly more comfy, even if it means we’re trending towards colder days. It’s one thing to sweat because you worked it up, it’s quite another when you’ve only been outside for a minute and you feel damp. 🥵

So not much longer until the end of July, no major holidays until September which is my birthday month so I can be insufferable, and just hoping for smooth sailing, life-wise.