The power of self-expression
I promise to treat my friends with respect and courtesy. I also want you to know that I am your friend because there are things about you I like and find interesting, fun, and so on. That said, when you cancel plans with me repeatedly, put me in the position of always being the one to hang out, forget about plans we’ve made, do the no-show thing, or don’t reply to voicemail or email, I seriously consider expending energy on you. Just so you know that you can do whatever you like in your life (as much as the Bushies will let you), know that I will respond to what you put out. And if what you put out is that you don’t really have the time or interest in maintaining a friendship, I will get that hint. Cheers.
I think every now and again, I go through the same thing, whether it’s in a public/friends-only journal entry or talking to people over dinner or just grousing to myself and I wonder.. what the hell is wrong with me, or from a different perspective, what’s wrong with my friends?
I’ve done my best this winter to keep in touch with people, invite them places, e-mail or IM to say hi, occasionally do a mass-invite to happy hour often to get no response (though with some mass-invites, I don’t request one) and often feel like the energy I send out barely returns by half. There are definitely those that make as much effort back as I put forth and it’s great, and sometimes those people and I have friends in common that we rarely hear from and it’s puzzling to both of us, making us wonder if we’ve done something wrong that no one’s told us (or will ever tell us) about.
Jenifer and I often have talks about the people and events that frustrate us and just how long we’ll continue to attend or put energy into them when we’re not getting much of anything out of them. Or even worse feeling a lack of respect when things are thrown together at the last minute without thinking much of the people involved and their plans/schedules or worse making broad assumptions about same.
I’m already removing myself from events where I know I’m not having any fun, or events held in places that I don’t want to spend time in and it is my hope that the people who I do enjoy spending time with that also attend these events will realize that I’m not avoiding them so much as the things we both just show up to. It just seems very lazy to me to have people I call friends when we really only see each other at scheduled, regular events that neither of us puts together, but don’t make contact outside of that to see each other.
Basically put, I enjoy spending time with my friends, I’d like to see more of my friends, but not if that is going to remain a one-way transaction. I’m as much a internet geek as the next person, but I don’t think it’s too much to expect to see someone in a non-virtual fashion at least once a month. I said to a friend recently, putting something in your LJ isn’t the same as talking to people. And the response, “Didn’t you read my LJ?” borders on being a bit arrogant.
To sum up: I luv y’all. I wanna see y’all. But it’s all about the give & take, y’all.